I made it the entire twenty-minute drive to work, pushing it out of my mind for as long as I could.
“Focus on the road, you can’t fix it now,” I told myself. “You won’t ever be able to fix it.”
I parked my car and turned off the engine… then I lost it. The sky was getting darker as the sun began to set, a picture of how my heart felt. There was nothing left to do but wet my wheel with my tears and beg God to stop sucking at his job.
That afternoon, before my midnight shift, I found out that one of the children who I taught at church would no longer be in my class, because his parents were getting divorced. In the ensuing moments I could do little but wonder why God would allow a child — this precious, innocent child — to go through something horrific that would prevent him from going to church, Sunday School, and AWANA where he was learning Bible verses and stories that would impact the rest of his life! From my car, I begged God not to have this child, whom I loved, taken from my classes, but to no avail. He was gone.
It wasn’t long after this that another child left one of my classes. The child’s parents decided to leave the church over a private issue. Again, I asked, “How can a holy and perfect God allow a child who loves Him to be placed in a position where the scriptures will not be properly cultivated in their young life?”
As if that wasn’t enough, I recently found out someone I know is being faced with a very difficult choice. If they do not start seeking God’s will soon and grow quickly in their faith, they will be handed over to the desires of their heart, and likely, some very scary consequences. I have cried and have literally wanted to punch God in the face for even allowing this person to endure the weight of this choice.
Sowing the Flesh
We were not created as robots without a free will, but instead God gave us the ability to choose to love him or reject him.
Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.
Galatians 6:7–8
It hurts my heart to read verses like Galatians 6:8 where it says if we sow the desires of the flesh we will reap destruction. It’s hard to watch people be given over to the desires of their flesh because we know it will cause them pain and anguish. Yet, I also am excited when I read the second half of the same verse, where if we choose to sow the desires of the Holy Spirit instead, we will reap eternal life. Somehow God—who promises to never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5)—is using these situations for His glory.
Consider for a moment two kings who were given over to the desires of their flesh and how each person associated with them responded: Pharaoh, the King of Egypt, and David, the King of Israel.
Pharaoh Dies
The Israelites had been in Egypt serving Pharaoh as slaves since Joseph died. In response to their groaning, God sent the prophet Moses to free his people from slavery.
God heard their groaning and he remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac and with Jacob. So God looked on the Israelites and was concerned about them.
Exodus 2:24–25
But what was Moses’ role in all this? After making sure his own heart was aligned with God’s, Moses became the vessel used to glorify God. Moses brought God’s messages to Pharaoh and spent a great deal of time praying for his repentance.
When confronted with his sin, Pharaoh resolved not to repent and God hardened his heart as an opportunity to display his glory throughout the nations (Exodus 10:1–2). Unfortunately, Pharaoh continuously chose to sow what his flesh desired (his slaves) and his hard heart wound up at the bottom of the Red Sea.
David Repents
King David did not have an economic desire of the heart but a sexual one, seeking for a woman named Bathsheba to quench his lust. Through a series of convoluted schemes, David committed adultery with Bathsheba and, even worse, successfully covered up the incident by murdering her husband (2 Samuel 11).
And when the mourning was over, David sent and brought her to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the Lord.
2 Samuel 11:27
God was not pleased. Nonetheless, just like Pharaoh was given the opportunity to repent, so was David. God sent the prophet Nathan to David, who confronted the king about his sin using a parable. Both Moses and Nathan had similar roles, having to humbly confront sin and pray the individual would respond appropriately.
David was left with the same choice Pharaoh had: Do I continue to sow the desires of my flesh, thus reaping destruction? or Do I repent, sow the desires of the Spirit, and start bearing fruit?
The king readily admitted he had sinned against God, so Nathan replied, “the Lord has taken away your sin; you are not going to die!” (2 Samuel 12:13). While there were still some natural consequences to David’s actions, he was hailed as a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22) and his life was spared.
Pharaoh ended up dead because he sowed the desires of his heart and it was hardened before God when Moses confronted him and he refused to repent. David, on the other hand, also sowed destruction and was left with blood on his hands, yet he chose to repent and began sowing eternal life through the Spirit.
Dakoda Repents
As I witnessed people around me whose hearts were clearly not aligned with God, it pained my heart deeply. I understood how Jeremiah felt when he watched Judah refuse to repent of their sins before the Babylonian exile. I understood Moses and Nathan too.
I prayed that the people I knew would see the error of their ways and return back to God, that others led by the Spirit would be used to gently restore them (Galatians 6:1–2). However, God quickly pointed out that the people I wanted to turn back to him weren’t the only ones who needed help.
It wasn’t long into this season of asking God to do His job better—to send His Holy Spirit and convict these people so their decisions would stop hurting those I loved—that I was convicted of the true desires of my own heart. My desire wasn’t for these people’s repentance and restoration. Rather, I wanted the children and families I cared about to stop suffering. Honestly, I didn’t care what happened to those sinning so long as the afflictions to the people I loved were taken away.
God convicted me of that. He showed me it’s better to pray for the ones caught in sin too. Just like Jonah—who had to learn it was necessary to pray for Nineveh instead of just hoping his life would be made comfortable again—I had a responsibility to set aside my own feelings and pray.
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”
Luke 6:41
Then God went even further and decided to show me the plank in my own eye (Luke 6:41–42). There had been so many times in the last year where my heart was clearly not aligned with God’s and I was sowing destruction rather than bearing Fruits of the Spirit.
One big example is with this global pandemic we’ve all had to walk through together. Our church assembled a committee to decide how to follow the governor’s executive orders. Their decisions on what to open and when and how to open it often were very different than how I would’ve handled things, leaving me frustrated and upset instead of full of compassion, patience, understanding, and grace.
Another example is my heart’s desire for marriage one day. I was convicted of the need to stay in constant prayer to make sure I think and act in a way that is rooted in Christ, rather than desiring marriage because everyone around me has a girlfriend or wife, due to lustful desires, or to avoid loneliness.
It was a great blessing when I gave both of those things to God and repented. I started sowing eternal life rather than destruction.
I had been very quick to get frustrated with the people around me whose hearts were not aligned with God’s, but at the same time, I was the one whose heart was disconnected, and I needed to repent and change just as much as they did. The fury I felt towards God for not saving these kids from their parent’s sinful choices was suddenly turned into the same compassion He has for us. I’m still upset that they are hurting people I love but have learned to pray for them and be hopeful that one day they could be restored.
Sowing the Spirit
If we choose to sow the desires of our heart, we will lead ourselves towards destruction, but if we choose to sow the desires of the Holy Spirit, we will harvest eternal life. We can easily tell what we are trying to sow by asking God to convict us and align our hearts with His.
We live in a fallen world, and the people around us are going to make choices that could hurt themselves and others because they, just like you and me, are in fact human. In times like these, we must first ensure our own hearts are aligned with Christ’s so that our response to the situations is the same as His and not from a place of selfishness.
After this, like Moses, Nathan, and Jeremiah, we must truly believe God answers prayers and believe He is still actively working in our lives and in the lives of the people we love. We must pray for restoration and avoid the self-righteousness of Jonah because we too need a savior.
When we choose to align our hearts with God’s heart, He will break down our sinful walls of contempt and pride and replace them with humility, grace, love, and compassion.
Next Steps
- We can easily tell what we are trying to sow by asking God to convict us and align our hearts with His. If you’re unsure what to pray, start with these words from Psalm 139:23–24: “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
- Once you have aligned your heart with God’s and grown in compassion, pray for restoration in the lives of those you know who have hardened their hearts.
- Ask God for wisdom to know how you can best speak the truth in love to those who have hardened their hearts.
Great read!
Thanks for reading!